Why Australia is better than the USA

I’ve never been patriotic.

Woah, maverick. Before you judge me (I’m aware you probably already are, and that’s okay – I’m judging you too), know that I am in no way anti-Australia.

Here comes the ‘but’…

…but ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this feeling that I was born on the wrong continent, and never had any sort of attachment or sense of belonging to Australia. I hate hot weather, I never tan, I despise the beach (yes, I realise I’m alienating a lot of my readership here…bear with me), and I don’t like the isolation and the difficulty Australians have with traveling anywhere in the northern hemisphere (northern hemisphere readers – it’s expensive flying to anywhere except New Zealand or Asia from Australia. No £1 flights to Rome for us).

That being said, there are a lot of things I love about Australia. I’m extremely grateful that, as a child, my parents made sure we saw as much of the country as humanly possible before we became adults and started fleeing the proverbial nest.

So yeah, here are the things about Australia that kick the USA’s butt:

The Variety

We have desert, mountains (and snow), we have rainforest and normal forest, tropical climates and Mediterranean climates, we have cities and the outback. There aren’t too many countries in the world that have that kind of environmental variety, and that’s one of the things I love most about Australia. You can travel for a few hours (or a lot, in some cases), and it can seem as though you’re in a completely different country (if it weren’t for the bogans, that is). Granted, the states has a lot of variety as well, but I happen to think Australia’s is nicer overall :)

The fact that everyone else thinks we live in a deathtrap

The overwhelming majority of people outside Australia (this particularly applies to the Americans we met) think that we basically have to nudge 6 or 7 deadly creatures off our clothes before we put them on in the morning. ‘Fraid not. Yes, we have a lot of dangerous creatures – deadly snakes, spiders, crocodiles, sharks – but here’s the thing: they don’t plague our cities. In fact, it’s pretty rare to come across any of these guys in our everyday lives. Though sometimes, it is fun to perpetuate the myth. Let them think we’re all badasses ;)

The population

We’re not overcrowded. Australia’s land mass is only slightly smaller than the USA’s, but we have a lot fewer people. Mainly ‘cos of the water situation I’m guessing – even if we did have a population nearer to that of the United States, they’d all die of dehydration (without mentioning the fact that we wouldn’t have anywhere to put them – 500 million people in the outback? I think not). There are still parts of Australia that are so incredibly rural and unspoilt by tourism (or even people), it’s hard to believe they even exist at all.

It’s safe

When I was in the States, there were a couple of occasions when I felt genuinely scared for my safety. I’m no wimp, but let’s face it, I am a young white woman, and I was out of my depth. There are some places in the US where you just don’t go – even in the middle of the day. Australia is not like this at all. Even in the roughest parts of town, the ‘dangerous’ feeling still pales in comparison to what they have in the States. For that, I am grateful to be an Australian – sheltered though we may be.

We have Vegemite, and our Peanut Butter kicks American Peanut Butter’s ass

Yes, I know everyone outside Australia (barring a couple of rare exceptions), thinks it’s disgusting. It really isn’t. It’s amazing. And peanut butter! It’s FOUL in America. Completely gross. What I wouldn’t give to have some Kraft (yes, I know it’s owned by an American company) Smooth Peanut Butter…ohhhh.

We can eat out without feeling like we’ve devoured a kilo of fat

Seriously, USA. Write this down, and hand it out to every non-vegetarian restaurant in the country. GET SOME HEALTHY FOOD! Not everyone subsists on a diet of buffalo wings (delicious as they are) and KFC. Really, promoting this shit to your kids isn’t good. I saw an ad for a breakfast cereal that was marketing itself as ‘healthy’, even though it was FROSTED. That was the kind of crap my parents served me as a treat. A treat! Not an everyday breakfast item! If this is how kids in the US start their day, what hope is there for the rest of the day’s offerings (KFC Double Down ‘burger’, I’m looking at you)?! For a lot of my time in the States, I ate the vegetarian option – it was pretty much the only way to ensure a vegetable actually made an appearance on my plate.

So, let the verbal bashing by my American readership commence!

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